“Colin O’Scopie, proctologist”
Me Feb. 13, 2024 [invented not a real person].
She’s deploring the reflex (when someone fails to say “Thank You” when you hold a door) of feeling “exasperated – but, crucially, not surprised…. ‘Typical!’ you say. As Kate Fox points out, ‘Typical!’ is one of our default modes… The ‘Typical!’ response is actually quite self-flattering, of course. It suggests that fate can never wrong-foot us because we are always prepared for the worst or most unlikely event. ‘So then my sister-in-law had a sex change and went off to live in Krakatoa. Typical!’ we exclaim. ‘So then they started bombing Baghdad. Typical!’ ‘The cat turned out to be a reincarnation of a seventh-century Chinese prophet. Typical!’”
Lynne Truss Talk to the Hand
“Quote of the Day: ‘Nothing says poor workmanship like wrinkled duct tape.’”
Red Green in Ottawa Sun October 24, 1999
“Being roughed up by a WI [UK Women’s Institute, which just did same to Tony Blair] audience is like being savaged by a hamster, mugged by an Anglican vicar, or gang-raped by the League of Women Voters.”
John O’Sullivan in National Post June 14, 2000
“‘I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.’”
“More Internet Taglines” in Gilbert magazine Vol. 5 #6 (April/May 2002)
“A consultant, we are advised, is a man who knows a hundred ways to make love and doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
Val Sears in Ottawa Sun December 16, 1998
“Isn’t it unnerving that the person investing your money is called a ‘broker’?”
Van Allen Turner of the Upstream Restaurant and Richard Cilles of the Kingston Brewing Company according to Steve Madely in Ottawa Sun March 2, 1999
“It’s just a stage you’re going through.”
Me c. August 2000 if an actor falls through a trap door or steps on a rotten board during a performance.